my choice

I will let him have the autonomy to decide whether he wishes to play computer games or to go play with the kids.

I will try not to think too much into his decision, and to extend it to other matters.

I will try to enjoy myself anyway in his absence.

I will try to find a balance between an independent life, and interdependency.

Life and death, leaving and arriving

These past few days have been a whirlwind for me, thrown into a whirlpool ever since my last paper ended. I told the boy, that the last paper is an unseen but very real threshold to cross, and beyond that, life takes on another pace of its own. True enough, everything we had suspended in lieu of the examinations came back to life with a will of its own, and we fell along the strong current.

Children's Camp was unbelievably exhausting, fun and most enjoyable. We loved every minute spend with them. I had the opportunity to really talk and enjoy myself with them all. Really hope that this relationship will continue, then when we all grow older, we will all become firm friends.

These days, I keenly feel I am gaining some perspectives on life and death. The other day the boy had to fetch Katrina to his grandfather's deathbed, he shared with me later on his ambivalent feelings towards hospital. Hospitals and Airports are places where the atmosphere is almost always choked with emotion. Departing and arriving, birth and death. In the airports, perhaps there is some hope for respite, for the person is merely going away for a while, but in the hospital, people come from and leave for another world. It is a place where people become fathers and mothers, and a place where they lose their own fathers and mothers, where life comes full circle.

Seeing Ezekiel at George's funeral brought back many childhood memories. More importantly, it reminded that time had moved on, and people had change.

Micro exam

Robinson Crusoe Economy
Sequential Games
Market for Lemons
Insurance
Cournot and Stackelberg

Micro 2

I'm feeling very restless now, this is what afternoon papers do to me. Suspend you in a limbo, when the time passes much too fast, and much too slow.

Its at 5pm.

To illustrate the magical concept of time and the precious information which it reveals.
I shall attempt to guess which questions will be presented in the exam.

and in about 6 hours time, I shall return, and tell you what was tested.

I think the following will be tested:

Theory of the firm.
Bargaining
Incentives Contracting
Uncertainty and insurance
robinson crusoe economy
Stackelberg
Collusion

The hole in the Bridge

I was reading Crystal's latest entry when I was struck by her account of her baby cousin, she wished him; "may you always be honest about the things you love".

In fact, that's what I want to be. But in this world, being honest about the things you love, means vulnerability, to the object of love as well as to the whole world. The world has become such a cynic. And we mask our love in every other contrary thing, to make us look invincible, and powerful.

A very meaningful conversation with the boy that day taught me something about myself. I told him about a time bridge that extents from now to 3 years from now, and I told him about the little hole in the bridge, and the fear I have that we cannot jump over that hole.

Then he told me that if I were to cross that bridge and come to that hole, I would actually realize its not that big a deal, but from far it looks more dangerous than it really is. And the problem with me, he said, is that I let the hole become my world, and lose sight of the bridge. It was thought-provoking. That happened a few days ago, and yet I have been chewing on it.

I really wish I can keep up my worry-free state of living.

The exams are here again. And we have confirmed our air tickets to sweden. We fly on the 8th of January at an untimely hour.

I am fascinated by stories. Amazing how people can come up with characters, larger than life, that commands people to believe them, love them, hate them. I do admire actors too, not for their fame, or looks or money, but for their sheer love, and service they do to such characters, in giving them a life, a time, and a space in our 3 dimensional universe.

The versatility of good actors is like a fine canvas. They lend their bodies, face and time to art, and the audience's amusement.

What a wonderful life!

Failed

I failed Driving. BOOHOO

D-Day

This is it folks!

its THE DAY. haha. Quite scared really, i am.

More updates

No worries

I just remembered, I wanted to update my readers on something.

Ever since Miroris, I have not worried. I think I have put on weight, and that's a good thing, because I'm happy. Worry really does eat away at the bones, as a very wise man said in Proverbs.

I think something my budz said was stunningly accurate. When you stop thinking that you can't live without something, you stop worrying you will lose it, and in so, you keep what you want.

Driving test approaches...

I am really looking forward to my driving test. This is in no way an indication of how confident I am, because I can assure you, I'm not one bit confident. I still make silly mistakes once in a while, like lifting up the clutch too early and making the car jerk, or moving off too slowly at traffic light junctions. I still get nervous and sweaty whenever I have to make a U turn or a right turn at a complicated junction.

It was only when I started driving as an 'L' plate learner, that I began to appreciate the difficulties a driver has. I still find it amazing, the amount of coordination that is going on, between signals, motorists, and within the driver himself, between his brain and limbs. I find it miraculous that:

- when the light turns amber or red, everyone steps on the brake pedal and slows down.

- thousands of fast speed vehicles safely changing lanes at any one time on the roads.

I can't wait for the driving test experience! I may not pass. But still I think its exciting. And for the kind well-wishers out there, its on 22nd October, thats next next monday. Keep me in your prayer, do. I'll be grateful!